-We're up to episode six. -Yes.
You started to be on TV a lot around this time.
Yes.
There's one thing I have to tell everyone out there watching this.
The way the word "natural" is used nowadays...
People use it in everyday speech: "I'm a bit natural."
Some young pop stars come up and say that.
But the meaning it has nowadays actually originated with Jimmy.
Sorry if this sounds serious.
It's the word Mr. Kinichi Hagimoto used to describe you.
That's right.
Now it's a sweet way to say "goofy," but Mr. Hagimoto didn't say it that way.
He spat it at you. "Is this guy natural?"
And it started with you going to an audition.
You cracked everyone up. For Mr. Hagimoto's TV show.
And he was really smitten.
"It's him! He's the one! Why didn't we find this guy sooner?"
Actually, more like, "It's him.
Where have you been hiding? Don't do that again." And he said:
"This boy is the second coming of Jiro Sakagami." That's what he said.
And then all these producers and important people came to me and said:
Excuse us, but Mr. Hagimoto is saying "that he wants to use Jimmy Onishi
on his show."
He told us we must first ask for your permission.
So, that's why we're here. We'd love to have Jimmy Onishi with us.
We want him as a regular performer on our show."
I said, "Well... Jimmy can be a bit troublesome.
He has a gag: 'I'm doing it!' It took him six months to learn."
-Right? -Yes.
"I'm doing it!" He used to do it near his crotch.
-Jimmy, doing it? -I'm doing it!
That's how it was. But to take his hand up here it took six months.
I said, "That's what he's like."
I gave the producers and directors an explanation about you. Right?
Was it the third week?
On the third week...
What did he say?
"You're natural."
There was an earthenware teapot.
-A normal teapot. -Okay. It was broken.
And then with the teapot...
-You did a voice-over for it. -I did.
You had to say what a broken teapot would be thinking.
That was the segment.
So, he showed it to me.
He lifted it up? Okay.
"Kettle."
"It's a teapot, fool."
-He said that? -"It's a teapot."
Then he lifted up the broken teapot again.
I said, "Kettle." He said, "It's a teapot."
In the end he yelled out, "You're natural!"
He got really angry with you.
"Natural" wasn't an adjective for people back then.
It was used to describe fish that weren't farmed.
When I heard, I said, "'Natural'? Did he really call you 'natural'?"
And we were shooting Funny Tribe that day. I said in the act, "Well, you're natural."
We had fun with that phrase for maybe one day, right?
Then it went into hibernation.
-I think it took about 15 years. -Yes.
Finally, the word "natural" became used with that meaning in normal conversations.
It's not a nasty word now, but it's original slang meaning was...
"a most unfortunate fellow."
That's how it was.
I still find it strange when models are introduced to me by their managers.
They say, "This one's natural. Please be easy on her."
Every time that happens, I remember this story.
Jimmy had that word spat at him. But these guys seem happy with it.
Right?
That's another good old memory. This episode is something like that.
-Ready? -Bluey.
You're amazing.
Jimmy... They carried him...
off to the hospital.
What?
INOUE HOSPITAL
Excuse me. Which room is Onishi in? He came here in an ambulance.
-Room Number 3105. -3105. Thank you.
-What are you doing? Fool! Stop it! -Jimmy...
You can't do that!
-Hey! Stop it! Don't! -Hey!
What are you doing?
-Young Boss. You came for me? -What are you doing?
Mr. Sanma, it's just as you saw. He tried to drink his IV drip.
Why'd you do that, idiot?
But it was taking so long to drip down. I thought it would be quicker to drink.
Geez...
We've never had a patient drink from the bottle before.
This is a tranquilizer. You mustn't drink it.
But if it goes inside of me, what's the difference?
You can't tell anything by doing that.
Huh?
Let's think about things the other way around.
Would you drink alcohol through your veins?
Why not?
Either way, it'll end up inside of you. Would you drink alcohol through a drip?
Who expected him to sigh first?
EPISODE 6
Young Boss,
sorry for making you worry.
It's all right.
How's the IV drip? Did you drink it again?
It's finished.
I see.
You must be hungry. Here.
Thank you.
You're unbelievable.
You needed an ambulance?
What the hell happened?
I was talking with the moon.
The moon?
The moon up in the sky?
Huh? Are you an alien?
Lucky you. You can speak to the moon.
What did you two talk about?
We were talking about this and that, and then...
I'm...
I'm not gonna be with Young Boss anymore.
Are you lonely?
That's gonna be really lonely.
I was left out of "How Many in Our Trio?"
That lying actress lied about me.
To top things off,
Young Boss got angry with me.
I don't know what to do.
That woman really makes me mad.
Why?
Why don't I belong?
Maybe you're just making yourself lonely.
Maybe it's just all in your head.
You think so?
Have you checked?
Try asking.
But I can't ask Young Boss something like that.
I couldn't say it.
Hey. Hey!
Hey!
What an idiot.
-You drowned in a lake? -I thought I was gonna die.
Lucky you. You made another funny story.
I don't think it was funny.
Yes, it is.
I wouldn't laugh if you actually died.
But you survived. That's funny.
I think you would laugh even if I did die.
I sure would.
But...
that IV drip...
That wasn't funny.
I'm sorry.
I screwed up really bad. I caused you so much trouble. I really am sorry.
That IV drip, In a situation like that, you have to drink it all at once.
All at once?
Yeah. Drink it in one mouthful.
Everyone will be shocked. Without a pause, you should ask:
"Can I have a refill?" They'll all burst into laughter.
-Can I have a refill? -Yep.
Hospitals and funerals are the best situations to make laughter.
"What a waste..."
Isn't that what you're thinking now?
I am.
Please let me study more by your side.
Okay. Do your best.
-Thank you. -Jimmy.
Why bother saying "thank you"?
It's not even funny in the slightest.
-I taught you before. -Yes, sir.
-Don't say "yes, sir." -But what should I say?
Did you forget? Try to remember.
Do your best.
Say "You do your best."
But I couldn't be so rude to you, Young Boss.
You don't get it at all.
When the weak guy is rude to the strong guy, it's funny.
You're challenging authority.
If you challenge authority, the laughs become bigger.
You release the tension.
Damn it.
When I have to explain the logic, the humor dies.
-Just feel it. -Yes, sir.
No more "yes, sirs." Any amateur could say that.
Now, listen closely.
-Try saying "If you say so." -If you say so.
-Sound like you're making fun of them. -If you say so.
-"I have to feel it, eh?" -I have to feel it, eh?
That's more like it!
Keep it down, please. This is a hospital.
You keep it down.
Yes, sir.
That's the way!
FUJI TELEVISION
And cue.
-The next segment is... -Keep the camera on Jimmy.
..."Proverb Quiz." Jimmy, do you know many?
-They're my strong point. -Really?
They're all simple, so, it should be easy to answer.
Can Onishi do this?
-He's fine. -Who said that?
Cut that out!
Let's go.
What comes next? "If at first you don't succeed..."
-If you don't succeed? -It's easy.
-If at first... -If at first...
If at first...
What are you looking for?
Nice, Jimmy!
If at first you don't succeed...
-"Do you want my help?" -Who are you?
What's wrong with you?
Okay. We'll have to give Jimmy an easier question.
Go to Sanma. Close up on him.
...and there are five peaches here. How many are there?
-Pe, pe, pe, pe, peach! -Pe, pe, pe, pe, peach?
-Good! Good! Go to Jimmy. -Get ahold of yourself. -Do your best. -You do your best.
How dare you talk to me like that?
-Do it properly. -If you say so.
I have to do it properly, eh? Good job.
Jimmy. Great job.
That went well. It was really funny.
Really?
It shows Sanma thought of it himself. He knows you well.
Actually,
Sanma had been thinking of a segment that would suit you for ages.
You were going to be in "How Many in Our Trio?"
But it was brilliant to leave you out.
-You're amazing. Keep doing your best. -You do your best.
And that bit with Shoji works, right?
Yes, but we really want you to continue that "Proverb Quiz."
Everyone's talking about it.
They really like it.
-Where did it come from? -When we were playing mahjong...
I forgot something.
Sanma, can we talk after the dinner break?
Talk to you later.
-Yes? -After dinner, we'll take a wide shot.
-Then we'll zoom up and get in real close. -Okay, I like close-ups.
-So, we'll zoom in real close. -You'll zoom in,
-then I'll step aside. - Why?
Just kidding.
-Jimmy, doing it? -I'm doing it!
Get ahold of yourself.
Don't get bent out of shape.
-He's gotten good. -He sure has.
-He hit the big time. -I heard he's gonna be in a commercial.
-No way. -The lucky bastard.
He's different from the stars Yoshimoto's had before.
He's a genius?
-Maybe. -What do you mean by "maybe"?
He still needs Sanma to make him funny. Move it.
-You're harsh. -Give us a break.
I'm getting married.
-You're getting married? -Keep it down.
-He couldn't resist her big tits. -How do you know if they're big?
-Then prove it. -Hold on.
I don't want to see yours!
-How'd you propose to Ms. Misato? -Misato?
Yeah. How did you propose?
-It's not Misato. We broke up. -Oh, my.
That's great. Young Boss, that's great news.
Who are you marrying?
Who?
It's Shinobu Otake.
Shinobu Otake?
Are you serious?
You broke up, you're engaged... You're always so quick.
You mean Momoko from Seven Men and Women?
Yes, Momoko.
Young Boss, congratulations!
Thanks, Jimmy.
-Congratulation. -Thanks.
You're getting married. I'm so envious.
-You want to get married, Jimmy? -Very much so.
-What's so good about marriage? -If I got married,
I wouldn't have to go to brothels anymore.
A wife isn't a prostitute.
-Idiot! -Is that all you want?
But you never know. Your wife might take your money again.
Women are scary.
And one more thing. It's still top secret.
Got it?
Yes, sir.
Look at you lovebirds. You're a couple, too, eh?
The world is so full of life.
-Good morning. -Good morning-- Jimmy!
Is this rumor about a wedding true?
No.
-Really? -Really.
Really?
The truth is... I just lied.
I knew it.
Damn you, Jimmy. Why didn't you tell me?
DOIN' IT?
Excuse me.
Where is Mr. Jimmy Onishi?
Jimmy? He just went to the dressing rooms.
Thank you.
But... Who's she?
Excuse me.
As of today, I am your new manager. I'm Kyoko Takamiya...
EROMANIA
What?
-What? -Is that...?
This?
-What are you doing? -I'm doing it!
Pervert!
It seems all the tabloids are aware of you two.
It's a matter of time.
When shall we make the announcement?
Yes. Mr. Miyake, about the venue I requested for the press conference...
I got approval from above.
We'll hide the details from the PR Department.
I've already reserved a studio and a rehearsal room.
We'll have to spring it on everyone, or it will get complicated.
I owe you for this. Thanks.
Nevertheless... Can we trust Shoji and the boys?
They're fine.
-Really? -Yes.
-I gave them an official gag order. -Here are my smokes.
-And about Jimmy... -He's gotten busy, right?
Yes. We've given him a full-time manager.
It's an important time for him.
He has to stand on his own feet one day,
but what can he do by himself?
I think you should keep Jimmy under your wing for a bit longer.
Why do I have to look after an animal like that?
"Animal"?
Well, he is an animal.
With him, I'm not a manager, I'm a zookeeper.
And the animal I'm in charge of is a horny monkey.
Wow, you have a way with words.
Please change the roster. Now.
Listen up.
We manage a number of different talents. He's just one of them.
You're new. You don't know a thing. But you want special treatment?
You can always quit.
Go for it. Whenever you want.
I don't know anything about comedy yet.
But from day one, I'm stuck with that... That dirty...
He had a hard-on?
He is an animal.
WEDDING BELLS FOR SANMA AND SHINOBU?
You have a call. Mr. Hibiya, from Yoshimoto.
"You have a call"? Seriously?
In our profession, we don't merely pass on messages.
Give it a twist, boy. A twist. -Sorry, sir.
What is it, Hibi-yan?
You're right.
We'll have to act quickly. Okay. Sure.
Hello, it's Miyake. Put me through to Mr. X in PR.
"Who is Mr. X?" Try thinking. I'm Miyake.
If you can make that monkey bring in twice as much money as he does now,
I'll consider transferring you.
Make your animal do good tricks. I've gotta go.
Oops, that was close. I nearly forgot.
You have an important job. It's for the police. Here's the proposal.
It was Sanma's idea.
-We make him do things like this? -Of course.
We're producing the show, too. It's a big job for us.
If it succeeds, we get the slot again next year.
So, we have to make this work.
You can do it, Ms. Zookeeper.
But I wish you could help the Tigers more than that monkey.
We're gonna win today.
I booked two live performances for tomorrow.
These will occur after the TV shoot.
We will then have a meeting for a new TV show in Tokyo.
The performances must be over within 15 minutes. Is everything clear?
I will provide instructions at each stage.
If you follow them, we will have no problems.
And there is one thing I want to ask.
What does that running gag of yours mean?
That "I'm doing it!" thing.
I used to do it next to my crotch--
I don't need the details.
-A female manager? -Yes.
She hasn't worked in the industry before, but she does her job properly.
That sounds scary. He'll go for anything that's female.
Well, she doesn't have much sex appeal--
That has nothing to do with it.
Good morning.
-Hi. -Good morning.
Never let them be alone.
What's with that? You're disgusting. Unbelievable.
Young Boss said, "That's funny. Make it one of your gags."
But if I do it near my crotch, they can't show it on TV.
So, I do it up here. "I'm doing it!"
You're scum. That's enough. Why did I ask?
Let's talk business.
This is your schedule for tomorrow. It's still only tentative.
It's jam-packed. I have to work this much?
You'll work double that next month.
-Why? -"Why?"
The more you work, the more you earn.
The more you're on TV, the more famous you get.
The more famous you are, the more we can charge.
Even a kid could understand that.
Maybe,
but when will I have time to eat with Young Boss?
Huh?
You have a job with Mr. Sanma soon. It's for the police.
If you're free after the shoot...
But your current priority is work.
It's an important time for you.
But I don't want to work too much...
It's Jimmy! You're stupid.
That hurt. What the hell's with you?
-The idiot got angry! -The idiot got angry!
Hey. Sorry about that. He must have scared you.
We're talking about work here. Don't interrupt too much, okay?
But these little--
I advise you to be aware that you are a public figure.
You must always wear a smile. This business is all about popularity.
-Jimmy, are you doing it? -Jimmy, are you doing it?
I'm doing it!
THEY'RE MARRIED!
SANMA AND SHINOBU
(AND HER KID)
Listen up. Don't anybody answer the phone.
Don't answer. Don't touch them.
That damn Sanma. He could've told me first.
THE PUNCH LINE PAINTING
It's a TV show I'll host.
SHINSUKE SHIMADA
Lots of famous people paint, right?
We'll get them to make a painting and auction them off.
Then we'll donate all the proceeds to needy kids.
You love that kind of emotional stuff.
I'm helping them find paintings for the auction.
It wouldn't be any fun if they were all serious...
I want a painting that can act as a punch line.
-Something funny? -Right.
How about putting a frame around me?
You want to be on TV that much?
Give me a break. You're too obsessed with comedy.
-One day you'll drown in your jokes. -I wish.
"Suffocated by smiles." "Drowned by giggles."
Which do you like?
I want some kind of joke. Something nobody would bid for.
It would be funny if we had a painting that bad.
-I know just the right guy. -Who is it?
What do you think? Shall we say no?
I thought so. We don't want to cause Mr. Shinsuke any trouble.
Mr. Sanma personally recommended you to Mr. Shinsuke.
I'll do it.
Okay. We're waiting.
A painting? I haven't painted since primary school.
Then why did you accept the offer? I asked you, "Shall we say no?"
You have time before your next show. Why not paint it now?
I'll buy what you need.
This stinks. I can't use it.
Eh? You can't use that paint?
I'll go buy something else. Just hurry up and paint it.
"Just hurry up and paint it"?
Hi there.
-Good morning. -You've got lots of stuff there.
These are for a job Young Boss gave me, but I don't know what to do.
Every second word is "Young Boss." You never change.
So, how's life with the newlyweds?
It's fun.
No matter how close you are with Sanma, remember that they just got married.
Don't get in their way.
In their way? Am I in their way?
I didn't say that. Just be careful not to get in their way.
"Not to get in their way."
Bye.
He didn't get that.
What's wrong?
It's still blank.
He came here this morning, and he hasn't moved all day.
Something's troubling you, eh?
What is it?
I wonder... What do I want to do?
-How should we know? -Just do whatever you want.
If you want to be with Sanma, go be with him.
I want to, but... I can't do that.
Why not?
Young Boss only just got married.
Strangers aren't supposed to get in the way of newlyweds.
Jimmy...
Since when have you understood things like that?
-He suddenly grew up. -Did someone say that to you?
Well, I don't care who it was. But if I had to guess...
It wasn't Old Lady Ochako.
It was Old Lady Ochako?
Are you painting that picture for Shinsuke?
Yes. But it's kind of hard...
Well, it's gonna be the punch line. Just paint whatever you like.
Why don't you paint it at our place? The kid will love it.
Sorry about the wait. We'll start soon. -Okay.
A dog?
-It's a police dog. -It's huge.
It's their best dog. It can pick up any scent.
And what do I have to do?
It's simple. You have to beat that dog.
I have to beat it?
You've got a good nose. It'll be funny.
-But why is that guy here?
But he looks just like you, chief.
This is one magnificent-looking dog.
He's the pride of our canine unit.
Fantastic.
It is our privilege to promote your exceptional work to the nation.
The whole show's just a way for our chief to suck up to the police.
Dog vs. Man? He doesn't stand a chance. That's perfect. Jimmy's job is to make them look good.
He's making a dog look good?
Sorry about this job offer. I know you're busy.
I don't mind.
We're ready to roll.
Okay. Do your thing.
Okay.
Police Dog vs. Man, The Battle of the Century!
Representing humanity is the man closest to an animal,
Jimmy Onishi.
-Jimmy, doing it? -I'm doing it!
Looking good!
But he is an animal.
First up, let's have them both sniff the criminal.
He's a vicious criminal who was caught just last week stealing panties.
The police dog has finished sniffing.
How about Jimmy Onishi?
-Are you ready? -Yes.
Are you sure?
The criminal put down the bandanna.
Now we'll remove the blindfolds from the contestants.
Will they really be able to sniff out the criminal?
Police Dog vs. Man: The Battle of the Century!
Ready? Start.
The police dog is off to a quick start.
Jimmy Onishi is also fast.
The human is doing his best.
-They canceled the show? -Of course they did!
He embarrassed the police force. We can't air that.
If a human has a better sense of smell than a sniffer dog, what's the point?
Has the police dog given up?
How's Jimmy doing?
This is it.
That's right!
Unbelievable! Jimmy Onishi won!
But, sir...
The chief is furious. What are you gonna do?
That monkey destroyed the show.
And we have to pay for all the production fees.
I told you, right?
If you fail, you're fired. No excuses. You failed as a manager.
You are fired!
Idiot!
-She got fired? -Yes.
He has to put the blame on someone.
There's nothing I could do.
Mr. Sanma?
Why are they firing you?
Apparently, when the talent stuffs up, it's the manager's responsibility.
Is this my fault?
Of course it is. But you're making them money now.
They can't fire you.
And it is my fault for not confirming everything.
I knew I'd be fired if it went wrong.
They keep their promises. What a mighty fine agency.
Lucky you. You hated me, right?
Um...
I learned some good lessons.
Maybe I really should become a zookeeper.
If they're in a cage, they'll be easier than you.
-What's with that? -"What's with that?" That's my line.
And you're always complaining about work. I got you twice as much.
I didn't ask you to.
Who was it for? Then why didn't you say no?
It was the same with that painting. I asked you, "Shall we say no?"
Why did you accept the offer?
Because it came from Mr. Sanma. That means you don't need me.
What is your approach to work?
Where are you headed? What's your ultimate goal?
Mr. Sanma's assistant?
How many days does one bad painting take?
Exactly what do you want to do?
I...
I've had enough. We'll never meet again anyway.
So, goodbye.
Takamiya!
-Young Boss! -Mr. Sanma?
-I heard you were getting fired-- -I am fired.
Nice timing. I was gonna quit anyway.
I'll take this opportunity to tell you something, too.
You were the one who made him a comedian, right?
You said, "This is Jimmy Onishi. He's funny."
You gave him a gag. "I'm doing it!"
-I'm doing it! -Cut it out.
Apparently, he's happy to do whatever it is you tell him to do.
He'll do whatever you say.
So, please, teach him some other things. Things like common sense.
Ms. Kyoko...
Anyway, I cannot look after him anymore.
I hate comedy.
I hate Jimmy Onishi.
And the man who made him this big, Sanma Akashiya, I hate you more.
I despise you!
If Mr. Sanma told you to die, you probably would.
That was harsh.
Die.
If you say so. I have to die, eh?
You're amazing.
She's so straight.
That IV drip... I got told off for that, too.
The head nurse rang me up. Were you in Gifu?
Yes. I was sorry, from Gifu.
I got this call from Gifu. It was the head nurse.
He'd drunk an IV drip.
So they rang me up.
And she said, "Is this Mr. Sanma?" I said, "Yes."
She said, "I'm so-and-so from whatever hospital.
I am head nurse.
Mister! What have you been teaching Mr. Onishi?"
"What?"
"He drank the IV drip!"
So, I said, "I'm sorry. We're entertainers. We are comedians.
But when it comes to IV drips...
we don't undergo any training to drink them.
And I've never heard of anyone being trained to receive an IV drip, either."
She said, "Teach him properly!"
She thought I trained you to drink an IV drip.
Why did you drink it? It was in your arm.
-I passed out at a job in Gifu. -That's right.
And so, I was down. And they found out I had appendicitis.
And then it was... A signature... for the operation...
-You needed a signature? -I needed a signature. So...
So...
I needed a relative to sign it.
But Mom got lost.
She spent the night in Nagoya.
Why did she spend the night in Nagoya?
And then?
And then the whole time, it really hurt.
-The IV drip hurt? -The IV drip hurt.
It felt like the needle was stabbed into my bone.
IV drips hurt. They're stuck in your vein.
And I thought, "I can't stand this."
So, I pulled it out.
-Then the nurse opened the curtains. -She came in?
"We're going to pump your stomach."
But you thought:
"If it goes inside my body, why not use my mouth?"
-Right? -Yes.
But I had appendicitis. So, I wasn't supposed to drink it.
-You know you can't drink them? -Yes.
You make it sound like you can't drink IV drips when you have appendicitis.
But that's wrong.
IV drips aren't drinks.
-Right? -Yes.
-Be careful. -Yes. I will be.
So, that episode was pretty much the truth?
Yes, it was.